So tonight i find myself switching moods so suddenly. Earlier today i was so happy and giddy and just full of excitement and wonder. Im not quite sure why the sudden change in moods, but im sure that my Master would say it has to do with the many wonder of hormones running through my body and mother nature playing a hand in my emotions too. All of this doesnt really have a reason with my change in thoughts...to be honest i dont know why my thoughts change just as fast as they do.
Earier today, to explain my happy and excited thoughts, we were doing searches and handcuffing again. Dont get me wrong, playing with handcuffs and searching people isnt what excites me. What excited me was the thoughts of my Master i had when i was the one in handcuffs on the ground. That is one good thing about this training school is that when it comes to hands on you learn as well as get to play the dummy for the other person too. Anyways, back to the thought. I found myself lost in wonder and imagining being there for Him. I normally would have laughed when someone squeezed my rib area because that is where i bruised my ribs really badly(will have to tell about that a little later) and it is extremely sensitive now. I imagined that it was Him yielding the control and making sure that i was behaving and searching me. He really is awesome and my teammate was taking care not to be too rough with me and was gentle (as gentle as she could be considering).
So i was happy because i was lost in my thoughts of Him and just what care and expert attention He would give me if i were in His care right then and there. He is so sweet and passionate and tender, but at the same time just one touch from Him can send me into a fiery of passion and twisting and turning. He knows how to be kind, but cruel in a matter of seconds with a change of His touch. It's crazy and twisted and amaznig and sweet and just all around good. I wouldnt change it for all the money in the world.
After all of that, we ended the day on a good note. I couldnt believe that we got commented on by an instructor how we had improved. It was a good feeling to know that our instructors were proud of us and how we were coming together as a team. I know that we may have a long shot, but for now we just have to sit tight and grit our teeth until we get rid of the people here who are constantly bringing down this team. They are always bad and just seem to have a down attitude when it comes to things here. They dont care and just dont care what they do that affects the team.
The last part of today was an awfully good feeling. I have realized that i have grown so much. Looking back on my past, i see soooooooo many mistakes that i made that i am learning from. I dont necessarily view them as mistakes, but i think of them as lessons that i should have made a wiser choice on. At the same time i also look at my future and for the first time in a while i actually feel like i have the brightest future in a while. It is such a bright future ahead of me with Him by my side. He is an amazing Master and i truly consider myself lucky to have found Him. He is an caring and generous man who has taken the time to teach me and mold me into the person i should be. He doesnt turn me into someone im not, but encourages me to break out of my shell and become the person im supposed to be. He is just so amazing that i feel that im running out of words to describe Him because there is no way on earth to describe everything He does for me.
I dont know if He knows just how thankful i am for Him and how He has pushed me to constantly be better. By teaching me, He has also shown me that you must first show that you have learned from mistakes and lessons in the past. I read a blog today and it summed up everything that i feel about Him. I sit and look at the stars tonight and wonder if He is looking at the same ones and missing me too. I miss Him so much and it seems the ache grows every day for me to get back to Him, but i also grow stronger everyday. Everyday that i am away from Him, is another day that i grow stronger in my love for Him and how much i belong to Him. He is just so amazing and will be the ONLY Master to ever control me like He does and own me in the way that He does. He is the only one to have owned me body, mind, heart, and soul. He was my first and will continue to be my first in everything. I look forward to a future filled of firsts for us. :) One thing is having a little girl with Him (or more children in general), but i just know that having a little kid with Him will be another amazing gift for us. Anyways...future thoughts there.
:) So today passed by super quick. Only two more days and then it's the weekend!!!! Yay!!! I love my weekends because i get to sleep in and relax all weekend. This weekend will be a cook out and Friday night we will be having a movie night for $2 watching the newest Nightmare on Elm STreet. Im not sure which of these i'll be going to. But who knows....i wonder if there's any trouble to get into this weekend?