Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Some reflection and acknowledgement

   So today i had a long day ahead of me. While in class and trying to stay awake, it was the idea to start on my homework to write about someone who was a mentor to me in my life. To me, two people stand out and one of them is my Master. I realized very quickly though that i cant explain just how much He does for me that makes Him my mentor. He has taught me so much in such a short span of time and i know that i have so much more to learn. It's crazy just how much a person means to you even when they are gone. Well, He's not gone, but He's not here. Anyways, He is so special to me and i can never find the words to truly express just how much He means to me. Watching all the other females here interact with the males(hoping that most of them get shot down---my new roomie not being one of them because she is cool) i realize that a lot of them are slutty. They act like whores(only way to describe them...sorry Master). I realize i actually have a life and care about my self image, unlike these girls that run around here. They run after the first guy that is nice to them and is willing to get into their pants because they have gone without sex for so long. In my mind im not going to jump into some dudes pants just because i want sex so bad....sorry i care about myself too much for that.
   Anyways....here is what i wrote today. I hope you enjoy it Master because it came from my heart and it is what i saw from You. It isnt completely finished but it says a lot of what i like about You and just how i feel about You. I love you so much and cant believe we have already reached 6 months. It feels like just yesterday that i had to leave You behind at the airport to leave for about 3-4 months. Craziness but i wouldnt change any of it for all the money in the world because with You i have learned so much about myself.
    My boyfriend hasnt been in my life for very long, but He is just as important to me and has definitely earned the spot as one of my mentors in my life. He shows me everyday we are together just what it means to be a good person and to treat others just as you would want to be treated.
   Before we even started dating, i had made plans to join the military. He knew and understood the whole military thing. This was where i had my first lesson in what good people are really like. Usually most people dont start relationships with a person who is leaving for the military so soon. This was our situation---we had just met and i was leaving in a couple months to start my military job. He jumped into this relationship with no reserves and accepted it all so openly.
    I was shocked because i was shown just how much He cared. From the very beginning, He was nothing but supportive. When my doubts and fears surfaced about Him choosing to no longer wait for me or that i would be too different when He saw me again, He simply listened to my concerns and eased them away with His gentle caresses and kind words. He told me that no matter what, He would always be there for me and didnt care about me leaving for the military and that i wouldnt change as His submissive. By this time, i was so in love with Him that the thought of leaving Him hurt so badly. I didnt want to let Him see me cry, but sure enough the week before i ws supposed to leave the emotions couldnt help but show. Listening to any song made me think of leaving Him, i was bracing myself for that inevitable goodbye.. It was here that He showed me that you can still care for and love someone even though we are miles apart.
   Now all of this about what He does for me isnt as important as what He does for others. He has shown me that no matter what evils you may see, you can still be an amazingly good person. His job is just as important as mine---EMT. His job is one that requires a lot of patience and the ability to work well with others and be patient with others who are at their wits end. He works with people that have been in rough situations from car accidents to stabbings and shootings. No matter what type of attitude they display towards Him, He still treatx them for their injuries showing no emotion and hiding His reactions.
    His job field choice goes hand in hand with the type of personality He has. In the short time we were able to physically spend together, i noticed something He does that most people in today's society dont care for. He always helps people out if He can without complaining one bit. He may be tired or hungry, it doesnt matter because He would go hungry to help someone out who was hungrier then Him. His view is He would give the shirt off His back to help someone as long as they didnt take advantage of His kindness.
   The drive to help other people includes me. He has always said from the beginning He wants me to finish my education. The other part of that is pushing me to become better as a person. Always trying to do the best in everything i do, not just for Him has been deeply ingrained in me it seems. I no longer think of doing things for myself, but think of how well this outcome will please Him at the end. Through this, i have learned how to push myself to limits whether im in the classroom, at pt, or even my discipline for standing around in formation (which for me to stand still longer then 2 seconds is a miracle in my world---ask Him about the giggles night where He had to put a stop to my giggles, not fun for me). With His help, i have become a totally new person and am more confident in who i am as a person and with myself.
   Things arent always easy when you start a relationship like we did, but sometimes you have to at leasst try. Ours has stood the test of time so far and before long we will be married and i will be His collared submissive. I cant wait for this day because to me this day is the most momentous day of my life, aside from graduating high school and enlisting in the military. I wouldnt be who i am today, and even that is constantly evolving as the days progress, without Him pushing me as He shows me how to live by example. I only hope i can live up to not just the expectations i have for myself, but the expectations He has for me too. It's not about me anymore, but the both of us and more importantly--- His needs.
   I hope You love this writing Master because You truly are the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me. So many good changes have happened because of You. Without You, i wouldnt be the confident person that a lot of people see today. Thank you so much Master and i cant wait to be Your collared lil one and submissive wife. Until then....im counting down the days to be back in Your arms again.

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