Saturday, February 5, 2011

Roaming thoughts.....

   What a day today has been and this week really. Being able to spend all this time with Master and even coming home to Master i have cherished it. In the past, i took for granted just how amazing He is and all that He does for me. Just recently our situation has finally calmed down and it seems things are getting back to normal. Never before have i ever been so glad as to have someone there for me and just on my side to calm me down when things get rough.
   In the past when i thought about a Master and submissive relationship, i thought of something that was living the lifestyle nonstop, but i never realized just how important the vanilla aspects were to the lifestyle too. Master has been there for me from the beginning, supporting me and just giving me the advice needed to get things done. Recently our housing situation wasnt the greatest and between His help and my supervisor's help the situation is better. But trying to get it all taken care of was a hassle and i felt like i was losing the battle. There was worry of whether we could afford getting out of our current lease, whether we'd be able to afford the new housing payment with our bills, and just would we really be financially sound. Each time Master noticed that i was beginning to worry He would tell me to just take a deep breath and relax that He has it all covered.
   Growing up with the way that i was raised, i am still not used to having the money to do things and that will probably be something that i will never get used to. Although not saying that just because we have money that Master and i are going out and blowing it, but we are able to eat out or go different places if we want to. There is just no getting used to going from scraping by from paycheck to paycheck to paying bills and still having a couple hundred to put into savings or keep for emergency money. Master has realized just how bad my spending habits are and im glad that i asked Him to take charge of the bank account and all before i left for basic. He really has taken it in stride and reassures me constantly that all will be okay with bills and everything else that we have to do.
   All of this above has brought me to a realization today and everything i keep seeing and hearing on the news makes me think of this even more. Master knows my fears of being deployed, but at the same time it is my duty for my country and i have no problem doing it. But the thought of possibly dying scares the hell out of me and Master knows it. This brings up the whole topic that keeps revolving in my head of how precious my time spent with Him is. Before i would have been so happy and amazed to be able to come home to Him and just fix Him dinner, not saying that im not now, but i love it that much more. Every moment i get to spend with Him, every kiss, every laugh and just everything about Him. There is not one person i could imagine spending more time together with then Him. The unknown future scares me, but with Him by my side it seems that much brighter. He truly is my saving grace and every time i see Him, i know that God has a higher plan for both me and Him and that things work out for a reason. There's a reason we met, theres a reason i got stationed where i did, and there will be a reason why whatever happens in the future happens. For now, i will continue to thank God every day for every little moment that i get to spend with my Master and best friend.

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