Monday, February 28, 2011

What in the world??

What in the world is happening to me??i feel like my emotions are running around rampant and my body is doing things it has never done before. A lot of this scares me and i want to brush it away, especially after today but i cant.
My body leaves me with a one day period, not even really.. Then it decides to show me what it feels like when you feel like you're falling. I then felt nauseous and then fine and then nauseous and then fine. Followed with an upset stomach.
I feel like my emotions are on a weird cycle and have let my mouth run free. My comments have stayed in check but lately it seems they just flow out. Is it all the stress or work or my eating?? Theres no telling....oh i forgot to add the extra stress and worry about my knee and whether or not i'll need surgery for it. Thats my biggest fear is i'll lose my job and all i've worked so hard for.
I feel horrible and so guilt ridden everytime Master gives me that look and then just gets quiet. It kills me. I'm not meaning to just snap like i do or get aggravated when all He is doing is making a suggestion or comment. He is doing nothing but helping and i chew His head off. He doesnt deserve any of this....sometimes i wanna just lock myself away and maybe then i'll be fine but it wouldnt solve anything. So for now i have to deal with my actions...maybe meaning no more talking for me.. I just dont know what to do..
My emotions run rampant and my heart is filled with guilt. I cry my tears silently because i know i brought this on myself. I love you Master and im sorry :( please forgive me because this time i cant forgive myself For getting frustrated with you for no reason. Life with you is amazing and i love it but i guess sometimes i hide things inside too long. Please forgive me cause my stresses are too much to bear alone. Please help me realize its okay that i can trust it will all be alright. I trust it but i sometimes dont trust myself and i need to learn to do that. So please forgive me for now im working hard to be your lil one and keep things running smoothly.

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