Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Thoughts for the day...

   Today has been a relaxing day, but also a stressful day. Master and i talked last night and He suggested that i start writing in here regardless if it has anything to do with the lifestyle or just regular everyday life. When i first started this blog, i thought it was going to be mainly about how i was progressing in the lifestyle with Master, but with everything going on it is slowly changing to an everyday ordinary life blog as well. It's weird how i can find it so relieving to just let everything out on here not even caring if i get a comment or post. It's crazy to think that i have several people following me and reading my blog for what just comes out of me naturally. Master jokes with me because i dont proofread my work, i just write but thats how i have always been. My writing has always just flowed out when ive been in my creative moods and i dont like to edit it too much. So i guess this is me admitting i dont proofread to those of you who read my blog and see little errors here and there...
   Well the best place to start from the day is on the coworker that has been making my work week stressful since i started working there. She is a habitual liar and we now have sufficient proof of that. Now dont get me wrong, i dont hate everyone i work with but when you try to pull rank on me when you are the one in the wrong, there is a problem. There also wouldnt be a problem if she wasnt on facebook all the time. She gets on when there are about 10-15 people waiting to be helped or even when she has someone in front of her she is so engrossed in what her dad is telling her. Ive worked in customer service before in numerous stores and ive learned that no matter how frustrated you get with them, you are still supposed to have a smile and just take care of them the best you can and then gripe and complain later(much like im doing now and i apologize). Well today it seemed that karma was being very fair to her. She pulled rank on me about a week ago claiming that i shouldnt say anything to her about being on facebook when i was lower then her. Last Friday she went up for promotion and after this past weekend and today she has thrown it all down the drain. Its weird that i find myself happy at the fact that she is having down times. It's not normal to be so happy about this(not that im like giddy happy but its nice to see that karma does work its magic when you least suspect it).
    This past weekend she was arrested for driving on a suspended license and also driving with stolen plates. Let's just say the chain of command got a lovely phone call that could have some consequences in and of itself. Not only that the worst part was she said she needed to go to the DMV this morning so she was allowed to come in late. Well oddly enough, she didnt show up at all today. This just adds to what we already believe to be a huge lie that is forming. She is having an affair with some guy that is obviously not her husband(not to be racist but they're two different skin colors so its obvious she's not messing around with her husband). Ontop of the belief of the affair, we strongly believe that she isnt pregnant and is faking it. Dont get me wrong it is hard to call out someone and say they're faking pregnancy because some people dont show until later, but with everything that she has said and her actions they just dont add up. She doesnt know what size her baby is, but then she magically says that it's 22in long and she's only 7 months pregnant and not even showing. I may not have experienced pregnancy before, but i can use the internet to look things up and when an average baby at birth is only between 18-20 inches, if she had a 22in baby inside her she would most certainly be showing and not my size. Other little comments made here and there about how her baby is growing also dont add up. She's supposedly 7 months pregnant this past weekend, but her baby is at the growth level of a 9-10 week old because it's just now growing fingernails. Hard to believe that the baby can digress from being full term growth or abnormally big to barely big at all.
    Call me obsessed but i take it to heart when someone lies to me about things and also calls me out on something and saying that im not doing my job either. I may take a break every now and then at work when we have a crap ton of people, but its either to get a drink or grab a quick bite to eat because my body is starving and starting to show the signs that its getting a headache. But its just crazy how karma can work in such a fast manner. It's crazy but thats why im not going to put my head on the line and just flat out let someone know whats going on.
    So that happened and i find myself tonight thinking on my family It's crazy how they are hypocritical about things and just very bipolar personality. Growing up when i got a facebook account, i was constantly ridiculed by my parents and told how i was going to lose so much information and just all these diffrerent things and oddly enough after we had a falling out my parents decide to get a facebook. My mother used to post under a fake name and then has to attack Master's manhood on my status. It just to me makes no sense to call someone out over facebook anyway. There are much better ways to do it like email or text or something along those lines, but not publicly where everyone can see it. It's okay though because she has shown their true colors to everyone.
    My whole family situation together is a bit crazy and im not sure if i've really processed all of it yet. I find myself wondering sometimes how my niece is doing and just to be able to see my other niece grow up. Ive never seen my youngest niece and i wont be able to until she is an adult because of a choice that my sister made. To me i feel that i made the right decision of cutting out the bad in my life, but at the same time i kind of feel that its going to be an ongoing issue for quite a few years especially if i was to end up pregnant. Master and i both think that my parents will try getting back into my life once they find out that a grandchild is in the future.
    Speaking of children, Master and i are planning on, well more or less trying, to have a child. We're not really planning its just if it happens it happens type deal. Anyways...i cant believe still that i actually am old enough to have a baby. Its crazy because i find myself wanting a child more and more everyday. It's not so much the whole biological clock ticking or anything like that...Theres not really words that i know how to describe this feeling i get, well longing, when i see little kids and babies and moms and dads playing with them. It's like i see myself in their shoes and wonder how i would react in that situation. Master and i laugh and joke around about what our kids would do and what they wouldnt do, but i cant wait to actually experience it. The other thing is im somewhat worried, but not sure about what is going on with my body concerning pregnancy. The past two months i have experienced the pregnancy symptoms for about a week and then  i have the start of what appears to be the implantation bleeding(i use google a bit too much sometimes) and then something happens and it turns into i pass a clot. Its only happened twice but the second was different then the first. The first time it was a single blood clot and i thought it was from our dog pouncing on my stomach. So after trying to conceive again, i made sure to keep her away from my stomach area when she was jumping. This time around i thought i was in the clear when all of a sudden i passed not one but TWO blood clots. It was crazy because it was like a clot, but then once i passed the second one it was like an automatic stopper to the bleeding. Now the only thing going on is spotting here and there(although im not sure whats going on)....it'll stop and ill have nothing and then something happens and it's like im starting to bleed again. Im not sure what could cause it.
    After experiencing these blood clots, Master and i both arent sure what to expect when it comes to the future. Neither one of us really knew if it was something bad or not. It was like i had my period as well but it was different then my period. Both times the bleeding was just bleeding. When i had my normal period before there would be clots and tissue(sorry TMI) but this time it was just blood and a blood clot. Reading information, i find that it could be an okay sign and i may still be pregnant, but other then that i think we're going to take this in stride and just enjoy it as it comes. I guess its new to me so i tend to overreact but i feel that in my heart i want a child so bad. Its like Master says---we have to wait and see what happens. We will get pregnant when the time is right and not when we want it to happen. :) until then i guess i just get to be patient and wait.
     Well i guess this is it for my rant for today. Its a sit and wait game for me and who knows maybe tomorrow will be post with some sort of kink in it lol. Thanks for reading for those of you who read this..


  1. I was actually thinking about proofreading my blog the other day lol. And I came to the conclusion that I won't start editing it--because what comes straight out of your head is the expression of how you really feel and what's really happening in your life.
    I think it's good to just let it flow.

  2. Lol. Crazy to think im not the only one that just writes what pops into my head. Master sometimes laughs cause i write a lot, but its like it flows out of me. :)