Tuesday, January 11, 2011

What a blessing in disguise

   These past few days have honestly been bliss in and of itself. My job is the type that you dont often get a day off. Especially considering i am now officially one of those "essential personnel" that must be out on the roadways when the weather gets bad. Never before have i truly questioned whether or not i have done the right career, then now. Its not all the blazing glory that it is made out to be and believe me, leaving Master tomorrow morning is going to be the hardest thing ever and i will probably be bawling my eyes out not even halfway down the road.
   Snow days are fun and a lot can be done, but lately i feel that all that has been focused on has been getting wedding preparations done and it's crazy because there is planning this wedding for our family and friends. There are so many different traditions that both of us didnt know about that have to be included into our wedding and i honestly just feel like this is never going to happen and trying to coordinate dress shopping and everything else is going to be a nightmare. Anyways....it was interesting looking up things for me and Master to put on our registry. Never before have i known just how complicated planning a wedding can be. Thankfully Master is the one in charge of the money and is helping me realize that its not as stressful as im making it out to be.
   The snow and ice left a lot of people stranded and a lot of businesses were closed the past couple days. Master and i braved it tonight and ended up finding a new place to eat that i think is going to work out very well for us. It was a great wing place and He also got a great sandwich. Oh my goodness was it mouthwatering when i tasted it. After getting back home the two of us grabbed our food and began to chow down. The two of us came back in after going and getting seconds on the wings, but Master ran out of drink. He looked over at me and handed me the cup to go get Him a drink, but my emotions and reactions were anything short of what a spoiled brat would react. (That's my wording and not His there). He said later that i looked at Him like "who are you asking me to get you something to drink when i just sat down" type look. Talking with Master i profusely apologized because i really didnt mean to look at Him that way but if that's how He saw it, then that is how it was. My reaction is that of a spoiled brat and i think i honestly got too comfortable. The last time Master punished me was a short while ago and He even made the comment earlier today that it has been a while since He has spanked me.
   Going back to an old topic that the two of us have talked about, i'm beginning to wonder if i should bring up the topic of maintenance spankings. It's not so much that i like the idea of having a spanking or getting one every so often, but i find that my mind craves it and needs it. This morning Master showed His dominance over me, grabbing my throat and using His fingers for His pleasure and not mine. There had to have been at least four or five orgasms that He let me have, but back to the topic. He took my body and made it do what He wanted and when He wanted. It seemed that i was trying to resist because it was just i guess i didnt feel like it or i dont even really know what it was. It was just i didnt want to feel them just yet, but at the same time i did. My feelings get to where they overpower my mindset that tells me where my place is. Now dont get me wrong, i most definitely know where my place is but i felt really reminded of it with a hand around my throat and Master's fingers fucking my pussy mercilessly while being denied the ability to cum.
   Reading a story last night on a website about these three drill sergeants that spanked a recruit, i found myself wanting to ask Master for something like that. Would He be shocked that id ask Him for a spanking? Especially since im not what ive heard is a pain slut. My body seems to like the spankings that He has given me, but my mind says otherwise. Honestly, im not sure if maybe it is because He is showing His dominance over me by spanking me and letting me know who is in charge or the spanking that turns me on, but my mind screams in pain everytime i get hit with the brush or the paint stirrer(i curse home depot for making some toys free to acquire). But back to the story at hand....the three each spanked the girl as she bawled her eyes out, begging them to stop and i found myself wondering if i had ever faced a spanking that bad. Admittedly, my one punishment from where i was late in talking to Him and caused Him to worry came close, but it wasnt anything close to what she was experiencing in the story. They each spanked her butt hard until it was extremely red and for at least ten minutes apiece. Ten minutes of straight spanking...just the thought of that makes me massage my cheeks and wish that i never face that. Yet, i find myself half wanting to ask Master for a spanking that bad to remind me of my place.
   Looking back on some memories from my past spankings that i received before i left, i find myself craving a spanking like one of my punishment ones. Master had me up against the door to where there was no relief and no place to hide. The brush kept raining down hits and then periodically Master would stop hitting my aching butt and use the hadnle of the brush to fuck His pussy. He was truly showing His dominance and made me feel humiliated that i was finding pleasure in being fucked with the brush handle, but ashamed and being punished. After finishing the spanking, Master had me stand there for a few minutes before i could finally pull my pants back up. Secretly, i wonder if something like that would bring me back to reality. There is just something missing with me and i think something like this will jar me back. There is just no room for screwing up anymore in my mind (which may be me holding myself to a higher standard).
   Reading stories and thinking on my own, i have found that there is a new level of things that i have an idea when it comes to punishment, but i know that this is always up to Master. He is the ultimate decision maker when it comes to those type things, which is a no brainer because He is of course the Master in this relationship. I find myself wondering if maybe i would be jarred or it would hit a lot closer to home and stick with me more (much like my punishment that i faced for my smart mouth-----30 minutes in position left me not doing that much anymore without Master okaying it). Sometimes my body just needs extra reminders. He is always in control and i know this, but maybe there is a need for a reminder??? Would it help if i was to stand in the corner with my rosy red butt on display for Him??? Would it work for me to have to sit in a position of His choosing with no clothes on and not being able to watch tv and on a rosy red butt that is sore from a hard spanking?? Who knows....the ultimate decision is always up to Master to decide what punishment is best for me and He does encourage me to be open with Him....but i cant help but wonder if one of these would work. Or even the corner time we had talked about with holding a coin against the wall....i know He has a lot of evil ideas and i feel that lately i have just been such a bad girl. Not really taking care of Him and most especially with the look i gave Him tonight. Is it weird to ask for punishment???
   Who knows what is weird and what isnt when it comes to this lifestyle. All i know is that life with Master so far has been filled with ups and downs and there are so many emotions with it. There is no other person that i would want to spend it with other then Him though because He is the answer to my prayers. He knows just what i need and when. Sometimes my needs have to be spoken, but He always listens to me. My only hope is that He can understand these things that im craving and not think of them as weird. But oh well....things with Him arent determined by me but by Him. Would i be able to hint a few things that id like Him to try more of or do more of?? The only way i can find out is by asking :)

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