Monday, February 17, 2014

Lookout World

Today has brought on a lot of reflection as well as a continuation of this weekend. It has made me realize just how thankful i am for everything in my life from my amazing local munch family to my loving Master who has stuck with me through thick and thin. Each one has been extremely supportive and nurturing of me and i can finally see the results starting to appear. It is still a long process, but there is a little bit of daylight starting to show.
This weekend was an amazing one between bowling and the dinner with the group to spending quiet time with Master. For the first time in a long time i have felt like my true self. I found myself joking and laughing with everyone at dinner and letting go, which is something that hasnt been done in a while. Needless to say that i have always had my guard up because of work or this and that or an event in my past. It had led me to be slightly mistrusting (stupid reasons but hey we all have things that happen right?) and it took me a little bit to really get to know others and truly trust them and realize that they are great friends and resources for both myself and Master.
My previous writing detailed about something that i have kept hidden in my past that has kept me from acting and doing things that i wanted to do, but there is no more of that. From this day forward, i am myself! The playful side of me that has been locked up so long is finally coming out to play. The sunshine is so pretty and it likes finally not having to worry about everything. Master and i have been trying to get back to what we were before the little one came into the picture, but a part of me believes that it was me that was the issue because of things in my head and just hiding behind this huge shell that Master has been trying to chip away at.
There are still a lot of things to work on, but i find myself more open and accepting of things that i think and want to do. Who knows what will happen, but seems that i have a bratty side to me that is newly forming so that will definitely be interesting to see how that goes. It has already led to me throwing myself under the bus a couple times and it will be curious to see what else happens, although i am sure that Master can no doubt handle me. :) He has proven himself more than worthy of it with everything that He has dealt with concerning me and of course He wouldnt be married to me if He couldnt.
:) Guess thats all for now. Hopefully everyone else can see the changes that are being made within myself, but at the very least i do and i know that is all that matters at the end of the day (well mine and Master's of course).

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